If you have horses in your life, you probably know these special math rules, too.

Holly Clanahan

It’s Valentine’s Day … time to show that special someone in your life just how much you love him or her. Chocolate, champagne, maybe even something a little lacy, right?

Um, no. Around here, we’re showing the love by, well, ordering a shipment of dewormer. (It came in yesterday. Guess what I’m doing this weekend!) The feed room is well-stocked (although that won’t last long). And it’s also time to call the farrier out. Wonder if he’s up for working on the 14th?

So yep, the ponies are getting the same gift they get every Christmas, on their birthdays, on Easter, on Groundhog’s Day- and on every other non-Hallmark day of the year. If you’re a glass-half-empty kind of person, you could say that means they ain’t getting nuthin. Or, the way I prefer to see it, they’re getting the gifts of good care, good feed – and lots of love – year-round.

However, because I figure there are plenty of people turning into gift horses this holiday, I did do a little Internet surfing. Amazon.com had this to offer: a “My Horse ‘N Me Valentine’s Gift Basket.” I certainly wouldn’t complain about getting one of them. There’s a pretty candle holder and chocolate for the horse owner; horse treats and yummy apple pie shampoo and carrot cake conditioner for the horse.

Problem is, I do horse math. Here’s how it works: You take the cost of the basket (or other nonessential item you’re considering purchasing) and multiply it by the number of horses you have. Then you take that total and divide it by the cost of a bag of feed.

Valentine’s Day baskets for all of my crew would cost roughly 21 bags of feed. Probably not going to happen.

Now, horse math is interesting, because unlike regular math, its rules change.

New saddle pad? Essential! No formula applies. That new french-link eggbutt bit I’ve been dying to try out? Essential! No need for multiplication or division here. New pair of boots for the Hubby? Um, sweetheart, that’s 11 bags of feed.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Holly Clanahan,
Editor, America’s Horse magazine

Don’t miss the fun, educational and heart-warming stories in the print version of America’s Horse! It goes to all members of the American Quarter Horse Association, and it’ll also keep you in the loop on Association news. We want you to belong!